


Laughter Lines

by grapenight



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Brendon is doing about the same as he is in real life, M/M, Post-Split, Ryan is a mess, just he's not married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 00:30:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4458419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grapenight/pseuds/grapenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan's life is falling apart, and he slowly starts to fix it. Loosely based off of "Laughter Lines" by Bastille.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Laughter Lines

**Author's Note:**

> Most of this follows real life, with the timing of things, except Sarah doesn't exist here. Sarah is lovely, but for this story, she's not there.

They needed a break. Both of them. Ryan needed a break from everything, Brendon, the band, his life in general. Brendon needed a break from Ryan. They attempted to solve manners as peaceful and mature as possible, but with the weight of the feelings between them, that wasn't easy. 

Spencer went with Brendon, Jon with Ryan, the two of them had a promise between themselves that they would reunite their friends again, someday. After the ash of the broken friendships and band was settled. No one knew how long that would take. 

Ryan didn't handle the situation well. He threw insults at Ryan, things he never meant. If someone else said anything like that to Brendon, Ryan would have defended him without even thinking about it. But when he did it, he only had himself to fight. The fallout was worse than expected. Even Jon couldn't reason with Ryan, and make him see how much he was hurting everyone around him. After about a year, he couldn't take it anymore. He had to distance himself from Ryan, too. 

That was how Ryan ended up alone. He had no band, and thus no steady career in the foreseeable future. He had lost the love of his life. He had lost too many good friends. Ryan wasn't sure what he had. 

Years passed. Before Ryan knew it, it had been six years since his life started to fall apart. 

He woke up, in his house, alone, hungover from the party he had attended the night before. He threw his covers off, and stumbled out of his bed, nearly tripping on a shoe, going to his bathroom in search of medicine to help his aching head. 

He found a bottle, popped the cap off quickly, and swallowed the pills dry. He should probably find some water, he thought to himself. As he exited the bathroom, he caught sight of himself in the bathroom mirror. He stopped, and walked closer, inspecting himself. His eyes were red, his hair was in a horrifying state, and his skin was far too pale. He barely looked alive. He needed a change. 

Hours later, Ryan was showered, his hair styled to look presentable for the first time in weeks, and he was wearing freshly washed clothes. He had shaved, and used some eye drops, which helped to clear a bit of the redness away. He had a plan, albeit a loose one. Ryan was on a job hunt. 

Luckily for him, experience from his teenage years made him very good at finding and getting minimum wage jobs. He didn't need the job for the money anyways, he still had royalties from his Panic! at the Disco albums. The job was simply an attempt for him to rebuild his life, to give him some sort of purpose. 

Coffee shops, grocery stores, department stores, he applied to all of them. He steered away from fast food places, leaving those for a last resort. He smiled, made small talk, and filled out applications at every one of the places he went. Within a week, he had landed an interview at a bookstore. It was a quiet little place, owned by an older lady named Charlotte, who had taken a liking to Ryan the second she met him. 

Fifteen minutes into the interview, Charlotte informed Ryan, "You can have the job, sweetheart. You'd be wonderful here." 

"Thank you very much," Ryan replied. "I'm glad you believe so." 

"You remind me of my son, you know. You're both lovely boys. Sometimes you just need a bit of a push in the right direction. Am I wrong to assume that?" 

Ryan shook his head, "Not at all. You're correct. I am definitely working on it, though. This job is a big step of that." 

"Good. You can start tomorrow, I can show you how to work the register, and how to stock up the books. It's not very hard work, I'm sure you'll catch on quickly," Charlotte smiled at him. 

Ryan smiled back. "Thank you, again, ma'am." 

Ryan had a shift at the book store every Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. He grew to love it quickly. Charlotte quickly became a friend of his, and his coworker, Sam, was nice. The customers were lovely, most of them very calm and polite. He had a feeling the bookstore brought out the best in people. 

In his personal life, when Ryan wasn't working, he had started to clean up. He slowly stopped going out as much with his friends, and after about three months, they didn't even bother to ask him to come along with them anymore. He stopped sleeping with strangers, and most importantly, he stopped drinking or using any drugs. He was lonely, but he was happier. His life revolved around work, and when he wasn't at work, he read, or even wrote a little. Sometimes it was songs, sometimes he crafted the beginning of stories he never finished. He discovered he wrote a lot about brown eyes, and couldn't help but mention his fingers tracing the lines of a piano tattoo. It was cheesy, but it was how it used to be. He wrote about things in his life, important moments, things he related to. Brendon was a huge part of that, even if he hadn't seen the man in years. 

When it was slow at work, Charlotte would quiz Ryan about his life, and, little by little, he began to reveal it to her. He told her about the band, about his past, about his love. She listened, mostly, keeping her comments to herself most of the time. It felt like a weight lifted of Ryan's shoulders every time he told her another detail. 

"I still dream about him, sometimes." Ryan shared. 

"Good dreams?" Charlotte asked, with a smile. 

Ryan laughed, which he found he was doing more and more, as of recently. "Yes. Mostly it's just like it was before. It's usually just us hanging out,. Sometimes I'm on a stage with him again. Occasionally its..." Ryan trailed off, letting Charlotte fill in the details for herself. 

"Naughty, naughty," She teased. 

"He's still beautiful, in every dream. I could google him right now, you know? See how he looks. He's still famous, the bands still putting out albums. But I think that might hurt too much, to see how he's moved on. Because I still haven't recovered," Ryan scratched his arm, focusing down. 

"Have you listened to any of his music?" She questioned. 

"No, no, no, I couldn't, that would hurt far too much," Ryan answered quickly. 

Charlotte nodded, and changed the subject, knowing that they had reached a limit for the day. 

 

 

"Hello, welcome to Charlotte's!" Ryan called from the back when he heard the bell on the door ring. "Let me know if you need help finding anything." 

He finished stocking his box of books and walked up to the counter, waiting in case the customer needed any help. Ryan was the only person working, that day.He could see the back of the customer, in between a couple of aisles. He picked up his own book that he was reading, decided to pass the time until he was needed. 

Working in a bookstore had caused Ryan to read a lot, and a much wider variety than he had before. He would read anything, he had to, in order to pass the time. 

He had only read a few pages before he was interrupted by a voice. "Ryan? Is that you?" 

Ryan looked up, surprised that the person knew his name. Maybe it was an older fan, one that still remembered him. He did get that from time to time, which still amazed him. He thought years after leaving the band, he would have been forgotten. By many, he was, but there were also many fans who remembered him. 

He was surprised to find Spencer, not a fan, on the other side of the counter. Ryan gasped, unsure of what to say. He hadn't seen Spencer since the split. 

"You work here?" Spencer asked. He looked different, yet still had those unforgettable Spencer qualities. He had grown up. 

Ryan nodded. He didn't know how to reply. 

"Wow, I never would have guessed. It is appropriate, I guess, you were awfully fond of some of those books when we were teenagers. How are you?" Spencer continued. 

Ryan could give an easy reply, 'Fine, lovely, doing great, how about you?' which Spencer would reply similarly, and then their awkward conversation would be ended quickly, but Ryan couldn't find the ability to lie to the person who had been his best friend for so long. 

"To be honest, I wasn't doing good, for a long time. I'm getting better," Ryan answered truthfully. 

Spencer stared at him for a few seconds, surprised, then he nodded. "I understand. I'm doing similarly." 

That shocked Ryan. "Really?" Spencer wasn't the one who fucked up his spot in the band, and ruined almost all the relationships he had. 

It was almost like Spencer could read his mind, like maybe the years of best friend telepathy hadn't completely disappeared. "You weren't the only one who was fucked up Ryan, you would know that if you weren't such a selfish dick. I've had addiction issues. They got so bad, I had to take a break from the band. Recently, I've quit altogether, it was too much pressure for me." 

Ryan felt guilt pour down on him. He knew, when he had been in the band, and even for years afterwards, he had been outrageously selfish. It was something he was working on fixing. He mentioned that to Spencer. "I've been working on a lot of stuff. I'm sorry for how I was, but I am trying to be better." 

"That is good, I hope all the best for you, man. Even if you can be a dick. You'll always be my friend," Spencer promised. 

Ryan nodded in agreement. They spent the next half an hour filling each other in on their lives. It sounded like Spencer truly was getting into a better place, which was great for him. 

"How's Brendon? Is the band over?" Ryan questioned, nervously. 

"The band is actually doing great. Have you not followed it at all?" 

"It was too painful," Ryan admitted. 

Spencer nodded. "Brendon's the only original member left, obviously, but there's another guy, Dallon, who's been the bassist since you and Jon left. He's great. The rest of the band is cool, too, and it's a completely different atmosphere. Brendon's doing great though, he's the driving force. Album five in coming out soon." 

"That's wonderful, great for him." Ryan replied. He had another question, but he wasn't sure he was prepared for the answer, whatever it was. 

Spencer seemed to pick that up, too. "He's single." 

Ryan's heart sped up, minutely. He knew better than to hope, but he couldn't stop himself. 

"Do you still love him?" Spencer asked next. 

Ryan took a deep breath, in, out, in, out, before he answered, softly, "Yes." 

"You need to talk to him. You guys might never get back to what you had, but you can't leave it how it is. Maybe you could at least become friends again?" Spencer suggested. 

Ryan was terrified, but he knew Spencer had a point. 

Hours later, Ryan closed up the store, giving Spencer a hug goodbye. He went home with two new numbers in his phone. 

 

 

It took weeks of convincing from Spencer before Ryan had the guts to call Brendon. Over those weeks, Spencer and Ryan had spent a lot of time with each other, catching up. Apologizing for past mistakes. One night they had even called Jon, who had taken all of three minutes to forgive each of them. Jon had always been the most level headed out of all of them. They had made plans to meet up, in the future, and to possibly have a reunion of sorts for the band, but first Ryan had to contact Brendon, and jump that hurdle. 

A long talk with Charlotte was what finally convinced Ryan to call him. She was wise, and used all the information she had gathered from Ryan to convince him. 

Dialing Brendon's number was possibly the most stressful thing Ryan had ever done. And he could have sworn he felt this heart break when he heard Brendon's voice over the phone. 

"Hello?" Brendon said. 

"Hi," Ryan replied, not knowing what to say. 

The line was quiet for a few seconds before Brendon asked, "Who is this?" 

"Ryan. Ryan Ross." 

"I am very surprised that you are calling, but I knew it was you the second I heard your voice. Why are you calling me, Ryan?" 

"I really don't know. I know I fucked up. I know I was such an asshole, especially to you. I am so sorry. I want to make it up to you. I have no idea how. Would you be willing to meet up for dinner or something? Please?" 

The line was quiet. Ryan paced his living room, worried. 

"I shouldn't say this, I should just hang the fuck up right now, but yes. When and where?" 

Ryan held back his cheers and suggested a restaurant he liked. They made their plans, and three hours later, Ryan found himself seated in the restaurant. Waiting. 

He wasn't prepared to see Brendon, nothing could compare him for that. He was still breathtaking, possibly even more than he had been when they were younger. Ryan could tell Brendon was inspecting him similarly, and Ryan was ashamed of himself, knowing he was a disappointment, when Brendon was all of his wildest dreams. 

Brendon sat down across from Ryan, and Ryan stared, taking it all in. 

"Are you going to say anything?" Brendon asked, sounding annoyed. 

"I'm so sorry, Brendon. I know I can't say that enough to actually fix anything, but you have to know that I know how wrong I was. I shouldn't have ever let you go. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I should've worked through our problems, together, instead of giving up. This could have gone so differently if I wasn't an asshole." 

Brendon took a few seconds to take in Ryan's speech. Then, he said, "You're not the only one who fucked up. Neither of us handled it well. We had serious communication issues. It's not all on you." 

"You're still so handsome, you know?" Ryan said softly. "I know that's probably wrong to say, but god, you look amazing. If that's what six years does to you, I can't imagine you in twenty years. You'd probably be so lovely. I would love to see you, when we're older. Is that weird to say?" 

"It is, a bit, but that's how I feel, too. We were meant to grow old together, I think," Brendon said. 

"Would you believe me if I say that I've spent a lot of time working on myself? I've been trying to make myself better, and I would love it if you gave me a chance," Ryan informed him. 

"It's not going to be easy, you know. A few nice words, that's not going to fix everything," Brendon started. 

"I know," Ryan interrupted. "And I'm willing to do so much for you, you don't even know. I'm serious about you." 

Brendon smiled. "That is nice to here. Do you know, I have plenty of moody songs written about you? It might be time to add some sappy ones to that mix." 

Ryan laughed, "I haven't listened, it was too painful, but I think I'll have to, soon. If it helps, I've written plenty of moody songs, too, but none that were actually recorded." 

"We're a right pair, aren't we?" 

Ryan nodded, and smiled. He was surprised at how easy it felt with Brendon. 

Hours later, Ryan left the restaurant, a new hope filling his chest. That night, he dreamt about Brendon, older, with laughter lines marking his face. It was beautiful. Ryan couldn't wait to see it for himself, in real life.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> I know the ending is very open, so in case you were wondering, Ryan and Brendon give their relationship another try. I only meant for this to be a quick oneshot, and it was far longer than I thought, so that was why I didn't go farther. I might write a quick sequel in the future, if anyone is interested.
> 
> Also, thank you to the person who left me all the prompts, which is what this is from. I really like getting prompts, they inspire me to write more, so if anyone else has any they feel like sharing, feel free to!!!


End file.
